I’m single. And when I say single, I mean S-I-N-G-L-E! It’s been almost a year now.
But you know what? I am okay with that.
Yes, you heard me.
I am single and happy.
I truly am.
I can see that look in your eyes though. You feel sorry for me. Yep. It’s pity I can see. And that’s okay. I get it. I completely understand…
We live in a society where being a single woman is synonymous with failure. We are led to believe that if we aren’t all loved up, there must be something wrong with us. We are made to feel that if we aren’t attracting a whole heap of eligible partners our way, we are doomed to a life of singledom, doomed to a life of failure.
So as soon as we find ourselves sans partner, we shit ourselves.
And slowly as this status persists, we sink into a deep depression.
“I’m going to be single forever!”
“What is wrong with me?”
Yep. That’s right. We plaster the blame straight on ourselves. We must be the problem. There must be something innately “wrong” with us that is forcing us to carry the heavy weight of singledom around. So we start to knit pick, concentrate on our “flaws”. Before we know it we are drowning in a sea of self-loathing. Nothing seems to matter to us except finding someone to love us. We know everything will be better then. We know that that this will make life worth living again.
But Honey, it doesn’t have to be this way.
Being a Single Lady
Yes. I am single. But, no, I’m not fretting about finding a partner. I have not sunken into a deep state of depression. And I do not think there is something fundamentally wrong with me, which warrants me unworthy of love.
Yes. I am single. But I certainly do not waste my energy thinking about why this is still the case or what I could possibly do to appear more desirable.
My self-esteem is not based on my relationship status.
My happiness is not dependant on whether I am being doted upon by a member of the opposite sex.
I know that with or without a man, I am enough.
And that is why, despite an almost 12 month dry streak, I am happy.
How to be successfully single
I am successfully single. I am thriving sans partner. I am killin’ it as a bachelorette.
Yep. It’s possible Ladies. But for some odd reason we are made to think otherwise.
And that’s why I wanna strat a movement.
A movement where women don’t feel ashamed to tell people they are single. Where women don’t sink into a deep state of depression as soon as their love life grinds to a halt. Where woman realise there is so much more to them than their relationship status.
Wanna be one of these women? Just follow these steps Sista, and you’ll be on the way to Succesful Singledom in no time.
1. Forget about finding a partner
Stop looking at every man as if they are going to be your future husband. Stop thinking about who you could be set up with. Stop planning your whole weekend around finding a man (Yes, ladies. I have been there. There is no denying that this doesn’t happen!).
Your soul’s purpose is not to find the perfect mate. You are not on this Earth to have someone fall in love with you. You are Here to create the most earth-shatteringly-amazing life you possibly can. And I doubt that scouring five different clubs each Saturday night in search of your Prince Charming, then drinking enough till any of the gentleman surrounding you slightly resembles him, is really helping you with this.
Relationships are a compliment to your life. They enrich them. Infuse love into them. And pepper them with fun, excitment and adventure. But they are only one source of all this goodness. There are a bijillion more!
Relationships happen naturally. You don’t have to search one out. They are a byproduct of living. So stop the search. And trust that he is out there. He is coming. Just not yet. And in the meantime, concentrate on creating the most earth-shatteringly-amazing life you possibly can. Cause Honey, that’s god damn sexy!
My story: I know my man is on his way to me. Heck, he might even be in my life right now. I trust that the Universe is going to bring us together at the right moment. I am not forcing anything.
2. Do shit you love.
Find a passion. You like riding unicycles? Well go on! Ride that one-wheeled contraption like crazy. Do it. Do it a lot. Immerse yourself completely in it.
a) Pursuing a passion is fun. It sets your soul on fire. It makes you feel so very, very good.
b) It will keep you from falling into a deep state of depression. You won’t have time to pity yourself. You won’t even have time to think about finding a partner. You will be having too much fun doing what you love.
c) Having a passion is god-damn sexy. By doing something that you love, you will attract a partner without evening thinking about it. And then when you are getting to know that person, you will have interesting shit to talk about. You can reflect on all the fun, adventuroues times you have had riding your unicycle instead of how the last 9 months of your life have been solely devoted to finding a lover.
My story: After my last break up, there were no tears or heartbreak. I knew what I loved to do – writing, cooking, yoga-ing, adventuring. So I just did that. Life was good.
3. Learn to love yourself
How is anyone going to love you when you don’t love yourself?
I know you have probably heard that a million times. But it is true. Self-love is not only the ultimate way to finding happiness as a single woman, but the only way to a thriving relationship. One that is not based on depednence, obsession and attachment.
When we look for love outside of ourselves we become a slave to our external environment. When we search for love from someone else, our happiness becomes depedent on them being there. And so when we are single, we feel unloved, unworthy and a lil’ bit shit.
But when you love yourself, you quit searching for someone else to fill up yo’ cup. Cause it’s already full!
This means that you don’t settle for just anyone to share your life with. You don’t NEED anyone. You simply desire someone that you can have a hell of a lot of fun with. You know what you want. You know what you deserve. And you only allow those people into your life.
My story: Sure, I would love a special someone in my life. But not to make me feel loved. Not to make be feel special. I would love a beautiful man in my life simply to have fun with, to laugh with, to share my amazing life with.
4. Appreciate love
Don’t get jealous of your friends that are loved up. Don’t refuse to speak to them about their partners because it makes you depressed.
By acknowledging the love that surrounds you, you are creating positive connotations with love in your mind. And this will help you manifest love in your life too.
My story: I love Love. I love seeing people in love. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It makes me get all excited for when my man comes into my life. That I will be able to experience a similar sense of joy and connection with another person. I cannot wait!
5. Own it, Gurl
It isn’t something to be embarrassed, upset or ashamed of. Embrace it, Gorgeous!
And next time someone asks you about your love life. Answer – “I am successfully single.”
Don’t try and explain why this is the case or start moaning about how depressed this makes you. These reactions only help to fortify the believe that being single is bad.
Put on your best smile and remember that you are not your reltionship status.
My story: “Any boys?” “How’s the love life?” “Seeing anyone?.” Yep. As a single lady I get these questions A LOT. But many people aren’t happy with a simple “no”. They expect an explanation, a story or for you to break down in tears. So for a while I partnered my “no” with a few half hearted excuses. I had a lot going on. I didn’t have time for a man. I didn’t party anymore. But now, I don’t try and explain it. I am comfortable with being single. And so a simple “no” is all these questions get. There is a lot more interesting things about me than my love life. I am not going to make up stories or falsify my feelings in order to entertain someone else.
Honey, you are so much more than your relationship status.
Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Ever.
And now, it’s your turn, Sista.
Single. Loved up. Married. It’s complicated.
Whatever you relationship status. I want to hear your story.
And I know as you read this you would have thought of certain people, certain friends that need this message. Why not pass on the link? Why not share these tips with them?
Every single woman needs to hear this message. So please, help me spread if beautifuls. (You can use the sharing icons below).
Infinitely grateful for your presence in this space.