Why it’s okay to be single.

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I’m single. And when I say single, I mean S-I-N-G-L-E! It’s been almost a year now.

But you know what? I am okay with that.

Yes, you heard me.

I am single and happy.

I truly am.

I can see that look in your eyes though. You feel sorry for me. Yep. It’s pity I can see. And that’s okay. I get it. I completely understand…

We live in a society where being a single woman is synonymous with failure. We are led to believe that if we aren’t all loved up, there must be something wrong with us. We are made to feel that if we aren’t attracting a whole heap of eligible partners our way, we are doomed to a life of singledom, doomed to a life of failure.

So as soon as we find ourselves sans partner, we shit ourselves.

And slowly as this status persists, we sink into a  deep depression.

“I’m going to be single forever!”

“What is wrong with me?”

Yep. That’s right. We plaster the blame straight on ourselves. We must be the problem. There must be something innately “wrong” with us that is forcing us to carry the heavy weight of singledom around. So we start to knit pick, concentrate on our “flaws”. Before we know it we are drowning in a sea of self-loathing. Nothing seems to matter to us except finding someone to love us. We know everything will be better then. We know that that this will make life worth living again.

But Honey, it doesn’t have to be this way. 


 

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Being a Single Lady

Yes. I am single. But, no, I’m not fretting about finding a partner. I have not sunken into a deep state of depression. And I do not think there is something fundamentally wrong with me, which warrants me unworthy of love.

Yes. I am single. But I certainly do not waste my energy thinking about why this is still the case or what I could possibly do to appear more desirable. 

Why? Because…

My self-esteem is not based on my relationship status.

My happiness is not dependant on whether I am being doted upon by a member of the opposite sex.  

I know that with or without a man, I am enough.

And that is why, despite an almost 12 month dry streak, I am happy.


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How to be successfully single

I am successfully single. I am thriving sans partner. I am killin’ it as a bachelorette. 

Yep. It’s possible Ladies. But for some odd reason we are made to think otherwise.

And that’s why I wanna strat a movement.

A movement where women don’t feel ashamed to tell people they are single. Where women don’t sink into a deep state of depression as soon as their love life grinds to a halt. Where woman realise there is so much more to them than their relationship status.

Wanna be one of these women?  Just follow these steps Sista, and you’ll be on the way to Succesful Singledom in no time.

1. Forget about finding a partner

Stop looking at every man as if they are going to be your future husband. Stop thinking about who you could be set up with. Stop planning your whole weekend around finding a man (Yes, ladies. I have been there. There is no denying that this doesn’t happen!).

Your soul’s purpose is not to find the perfect mate. You are not on this Earth to have someone fall in love with you. You are Here to create the most earth-shatteringly-amazing life you possibly can. And I doubt that scouring five different clubs each Saturday night in search of your Prince Charming, then drinking enough till any of the gentleman surrounding you slightly resembles him, is really helping you with this.

Relationships are a compliment to your life. They enrich them. Infuse love into them. And pepper them with fun, excitment and adventure. But they are only one source of all this goodness. There are a bijillion more!

Relationships happen naturally. You don’t have to search one out. They are a byproduct of living. So stop the search. And trust that he is out there. He is coming. Just not yet. And in the meantime, concentrate on creating the most earth-shatteringly-amazing life you possibly can. Cause Honey, that’s god damn sexy!

My story: I know my man is on his way to me. Heck, he might even be in my life right now. I trust that the Universe is going to bring us together at the right moment. I am not forcing anything.

2. Do shit you love.

Find a passion. You like riding unicycles? Well go on! Ride that one-wheeled contraption like crazy. Do it. Do it a lot. Immerse yourself completely in it.

Why?

a) Pursuing a passion is fun. It sets your soul on fire. It makes you feel so very, very good.

b) It will keep you from falling into a deep state of depression. You won’t have time to pity yourself. You won’t even have time to think about finding a partner. You will be having too much fun doing what you love.

c) Having a passion is god-damn sexy. By doing something that you love, you will attract a partner without evening thinking about it. And then when you are getting to know that person, you will have interesting shit to talk about. You can reflect on all the fun, adventuroues times you have had riding your unicycle instead of how the last 9 months of your life have been solely devoted to finding a lover.

My story: After my last break up, there were no tears or heartbreak. I knew what I loved to do – writing, cooking, yoga-ing, adventuring. So I just did that. Life was good. 

3. Learn to love yourself

How is anyone going to love you when you don’t love yourself?

I know you have probably heard that a million times. But it is true. Self-love is not only the ultimate way to finding happiness as a single woman, but the only way to a thriving relationship. One that is not based on depednence, obsession and attachment.

When we look for love outside of ourselves we become a slave to our external environment. When we search for love from someone else, our happiness becomes depedent on them being there. And so when we are single, we feel unloved, unworthy and a lil’ bit shit.

But when you love yourself, you quit searching for someone else to fill up yo’ cup. Cause it’s already full!

This means that you don’t settle for just anyone to share your life with. You don’t NEED anyone. You simply desire someone that you can have a hell of a lot of fun with. You know what you want. You know what you deserve. And you only allow those people into your life.

My story: Sure, I would love a special someone in my life. But not to make me feel loved. Not to make be feel special. I would love a beautiful man in my life simply to have fun with, to laugh with, to share my amazing life with

4. Appreciate love

Don’t get jealous of your friends that are loved up. Don’t refuse to speak to them about their partners because it makes you depressed.

By acknowledging the love that surrounds you, you are creating positive connotations with love in your mind. And this will help you  manifest love in your life too.

My story: I love Love. I love seeing people in love. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It makes me get all excited for when my man comes into my life. That I will be able to experience a similar sense of joy and connection with another person. I cannot wait!

5. Own it, Gurl

Single?

It isn’t something to be embarrassed, upset or ashamed of. Embrace it, Gorgeous!

And next time someone asks you about your love life. Answer – “I am successfully single.”

Enough said.

Don’t try and explain why this is the case or start moaning about how depressed this makes you. These reactions only help to fortify the believe that being single is bad.

Put on your best smile and remember that you are not your reltionship status.

My story: “Any boys?” “How’s the love life?” “Seeing anyone?.” Yep. As a single lady I get these questions A LOT.  But many people aren’t happy with a simple “no”.  They expect an explanation, a story or for you to break down in tears.  So for a while I partnered my “no” with a few half hearted excuses. I had a lot going on. I didn’t have time for a man. I didn’t party anymore. But now,  I don’t try and explain it. I am comfortable with being single. And so a simple “no” is all these questions get.  There is a lot more interesting things about me than my love life. I am not going to make up stories or falsify my feelings in order to entertain someone else.


Honey, you are so much more than your relationship status.

Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Ever.

And now, it’s your turn, Sista.

Single. Loved up. Married. It’s complicated.

Whatever you relationship status. I want to hear your story.

And I know as you read this you would have thought of certain people, certain friends that need this message. Why not pass on the link? Why not share these tips with them?

Every single woman needs to hear this message. So please, help me spread if beautifuls. (You can use the sharing icons below).

Infinitely grateful for your presence in this space.

Big Love Meg x

30 Comments to “Why it’s okay to be single.”

  1. Kylie says:

    AWESOME post Meg! So well written, and bursting with positive energy. I will definitely be sharing this around – I know so many women who are so hard on themselves about their relationship status, when really that doesn’t say ANYTHING about their worth. I think they will get a lot from this post. x

  2. Laura says:

    Yes Yes and Yes… everything about this, I have too much to say so all I will say is AMEN sister :):)

    xx

  3. Jenny says:

    Love your post Meg! Totally rocking it! I was with someone for 13 years , married for nearly 3 of those years. And now i’m divorced. I’m 29 and sure, definitely life did not quite “plan” out how I had envisioned! But you know what, in ALL that has happened, I have found myself. I have found my worth, my voice and I’ve become whole. I don’t need a man. Yep – the word NEED. Not any more sister! I’m becoming whole, integrated and totally learning who I am without another and that is what I want to bring to the world. If someone else comes into my life now, it’ll be because they ADD value – because I want them..rather than NEED it. I think when we can create this kind of foundation where we are whole, independent and know our absolute worth – that is when we will attract the “right” person into our life- who will love all of us, nurture us and walk hand in hand on this journey we call life. xo

    • Jenny. Mind. Blown.
      That was so incredibly beautiful! I’d love to share your comment with my peeps on Facebook. Let me know if that’s okay!
      Thank you so much for sharing <3

  4. Kristen says:

    Awesome Meg!

    I was always single and I’ve gotta say I really enjoyed it. It allowed me time to get to know myself, be independent. This way, when the right man came along, I knew what I wanted, I didn’t need them to make me happy and I was truly ready to dive into a relationship.

    Being single is awesome. Nothing to be ashamed of. Love that your embracing it and using this time to be with yourself and feel your way through your journey.

    • Yes Kristen! When you embrace being a “single laday” you don’t go rushing into just anyone’s arms. You know exactly what you deserve! Kieran is one lucky man! xxxx

  5. Felicia says:

    You go girl! I’ll admit, when I was single I fell into the negative thinking of “forever alone” ha-ha but I loved being single. I felt free and independent, I had room to be free and to know myself better.

    I remember saying to myself, “I’ll find someone when the time is right, not if I go out searching and demanding”. Then while I was living away from home on an adventure of self discovery I found someone where/when I least expected it.

    Keep embracing being a bachelorette girl! You deserve it ;)
    xxx

  6. bridget says:

    love it meg xx

  7. Natasha says:

    Love it Meg! And oh so true, we cannot fully love someone else unless we fall madly and deeply in love with ourselves. The relationship that we have with ourselves is probably the most important one of all. It took me awhile to realize that but as you said, relationships are all about enhancing rather than filling a void.

    I can relate to an extent about comments made from other people; instead of ‘are you seeing anyone?’ It’s ‘when are you going to get married’. We are not defined by our relationship status, whether that be single, married, defacto or any other scenario. It does not determine our self worth – if we keep doing our thang, and keep loving ourselves, everything will fall into place. Amen to this message sister!! Xx

    • Yes Tash! We as human beings are obsessed by labelling things! We need to be able to understand everything and we think a label will do just that. Love, love, love what you have you say. And thank you so much for saying it right here :) <3 xxx

  8. Jayne says:

    Well said Meg! Amen to everything you said and Jenny said (above) :) <3

  9. jazziefizzle says:

    You already know how much I loved this post via instagram but I had to come back for a second read and to leave a proper comment…

    Where I am at now = ‘successfully single’ (ahh I love that phrase thank you for introducing me to it!)

    A few months ago my long term relationship fell apart and at the time my focus was on ‘losing’ the man who had been my best friend for so long and who I thought I was going to marry. To be honest the thought of being single seemed a little exciting despite the massive change, but then I realised that I hadn’t been single for over 6 years and it was almost like I had forgotten how it all works and how to date and interact with men on anything other than a friendship level.

    I think the absolute key to successful single-dom is connecting with some like-minded ladies who share your passions and provide some much needed companionship for if you do ever feel a little lonely. I have to give so much credit to my girls for just being there, listening to me whinge, making me laugh, sharing too much wine and filling some of that void that I haven’t (yet) filled up with self-love.

    ‘My happiness is not dependant on whether I am being doted upon by a member of the opposite sex.’ (SO quote-able!)

    Currently focusing on creating my own happiness, focusing on myself and living an AWESOME life! When the universe sends someone my way it will just be an added bonus!

    xx keep doing what you are doing lady!

    PS. also agree with the above when you are in a relationship the questions don’t stop – when will you get married/have babies etc. I tend to just forgive people for asking the insensitive questions as they have the best of intentions at heart but don’t realise how hurtful they are being!

    • Oh Jasmine!!!!!!!!!!! That void will fill. No matter the speed, it will fill I promise you! Thank you so much for sharing your heart here in this space. You’ve made me smile, a big fat smile!!! xxxxx

  10. Great post, Meg! Thank you for saying it out loud, it’s so crazy that there is this social belief that we all have to be in a relationship to be successful and that’s just bat shit crazy! Good on you, girl x

  11. Claire J says:

    Nicely written Missi Meg =)
    I’mma riding that unicycle for sure! Point 2 was very apt for me!
    Your ‘My Story’ in point 3 totally sums up where I am at for me too. I look forward to that time to come without searching for it and just enjoying where I am at at the moment.
    Made me smile reading it. xx

  12. Lana says:

    Sooo refreshing! Loved this post. I’ve been single for about a year and a half with not a speck of man on the horizon this entire time and, it’s been great. Sure, there have definitely been some tears around that and lonely bits but at the end of the day, I know the universe is teaching me to stand on my own two feet before I can dive into another partnership. This is the first time I’ve been well and truly single since, well, since maybe 16, and I’m starting to love it. For once in my life, I’M the most important person in my life, not some guy. And, one day when I do find someone who clicks, I’ll be joining a partnership as a whole person, not just a clingy girl with low self-esteem that “needs a guy to complete her”. I think that is so much healthier and more rewarding in the long run. Great work love! xo

    • “I’ll be joining a partnership as a whole person..”
      AMEN SISTA! This is exactly what I’m all about too. Need to spread the word and get all women feeling this way too.
      xxx

  13. Caitlin says:

    Love it!! As someone who hasn’t been in a relationship before this just helps me confirm that it’s all aokay, thank you xx (Live the way you’ve written his post too)

  14. This article has made my evening complete! I am happily single – I am claiming my space to dedicate to looking after myself for the next 6 months. I realised that after being in relationship after relationship, that perhaps, it is time for me to spend some time working on my own relationship with myself instead. And it has been blissfully amazing in so many ways – so much growth, so many projects to sink my soul into, and so much self discovery! I think being single helps you really appreciate the richness of life which is something that people think is only achievable if you have someone by your side. Thank you for breaking up with these single status stereotypes and redefining the freedom being single can really offer! XX

    • Jo your words had me standing up from my seat and fist pumping the air!
      So empowering. Enjoy following your own passions and diving into this exciting time of your life.

      Life has the power to be unbelievably rich no matter what your relationship status!

      So much LOVE. xx

  15. Ksenia says:

    Amen, sista! Right on. :)

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