Whether that means you’re fresh off the relationship train or you’ve been waving the solo sister flag all year long, there’s one thing that’s for sure, as the year closes in being single becomes a whole lot more uncomfortable (for some, unbearably so).
You have no one to show off to your family and friends during the festivities.
You have no one to share a kiss with as the New Year rolls in.
And you have no one to don reindeer ears with whilst busting out a Michael Bublé Christmas medley.
Yep. It pretty much fucking sucks!
But wait, my wonderfully free and independent single sista, it DOES NOT have to be this way.
The silly season does not have to be a brutal reminder of your relationship status, driving you to launch yourself at any man with a pulse in a desperate attempt to un-single yo’ self. Having, up until recently, very happily totted around this title for quite some time I feel pulled to offer some advice on how best to venture through this silly season as a single lady and not become a drunken-blubbering-desperate-whiny-mess.
1. Own your Single status
Realise that single-dom is not some kind of diseased state that needs to be cured…IMMEDIATELY. See it for what it truly is – a gift you have been given in order to learn, grow and explore as a human being.
Instead of trying to escape this, sink down into it.
Instead of seeing this time as a means to an end (finding love), see it as a beautiful, expansive and transformative period in and of itself.
Instead of doing your best to justify your single-dom, wear it with pride, joy and love.
Single-dom is not a burden. So stop attempting to catapult yourself into a future moment where you are intoxicatingly in love. Bring awareness to your present moment, the one in which you are gloriously single. Realise that, right now, this is exactly where you need to be
2. Stop lying
You’re at a small Xmas get-together with friends you haven’t seen all year and as you’d expect the conversation quickly turns to … RELATIONSHIPS.
“So… any special someone in your life, Babe?”, your friend inquires.
“No, I am single, ”, you say uneasily. Then with a sudden burst of too much enthusiasm you follow it up with, “But….I REALLY DON’T HAVE TIME FOR ANYONE RIGHT NOW. I’M SOOOOO BUSY. AND SINGLE LIFE RULES. LIKE I HAVE SO MUCH TIME FOR MYSELF…..”
If this is your truth, fuck yeah! That’s awesome, own it BABY! But if you are actually craving a lover, if you are actually wanting to call a loving relationship into you life, if you actually abhor being single, STOP FUCKING LYING.
Your thoughts and words are potently powerful creative forces – they determine your reality. The longer you continue to mask your true desires with untrue words and thoughts, the more strength you are giving to the latter and therefore the more likely it is for them to come into fruition.
Quit feeling the need to explain or justify your relationship status, a simple “I’m single” accompanied by a sweet smile will suffice. But if you’re feeling really BRAVE this holiday season and want to experiment with the Law of Attraction, have the confidence to state your desires outloud. Tell that friend you haven’t seen all year that, “Although I am currently single I am manifesting the most gorgeous, gentle, attentive, powerfully present and passionate man (or woman) into my life. I am open and ready for them.”
And see what they have to say about that!
3. Don’t give or receive LOVE.
Often it is our innate craving to feel love that drives us to seek out a partner at every turn. We believe that the love they can give us will fill the hole we feel within. But this, my beaming beauty, is what I like to call….BULLSHIT!
We only experience that which we are.
You will not feel love unless you ARE love. So be its vibration. Take on its frequency. And although you will suddenly lose the desire to seek love at every turn, paradoxically, it will meet you at every corner (perhaps even sporting a man-beard, holding a guitar and serenading you with an acoustic rendition of Van Morrison’s ‘Brown Eyed Girl’).
4. Take it easy on the booze
I don’t want to over-generalize, but us ladies can go a little cray-cray on the drank when we’re single (I’m talkin’ from experience here!). For some reason, we seem to believe that the only thing lying between us and our dream man is a bottle of wine and a few swigs of tequila. We feel that our drunken selves are better equipped at attracting and luring in that which we desire. But that, my gorgeously single friend, could not be further from the truth.
When we are drunk, we are not aligned with our true selves. And therefore we become less effective at magnetizing the things that we desire towards us. Our connection with our body and soul becomes very fuzzy. That’s why the guy we were convinced was “the One” the night before, in fact makes us queasy the morning after. When we’re drunk we loose touch with our intuition – our “man” radar gets all out-of-whack. Suddenly all those non-negotiables we look for in partner get thrown out the door.
So by all means, have a few glasses of wine over the Xmas break, bring in the New Year with (a) Sex on the Beach, but allow these to be drinks of celebration not tools for finding “Mr Right.”. Keep yo’ man-radar intact!
5. Don’t focus on the lack
According to Abraham Hicks, we are at our most powerfully creative when we feel good. This is a sign we are in “the Vortex”, that place where we are able to manifest and bring about all that we desire effortlessly, easily and fluidly.
So if you desire a lover, the best (and only) way to experience them is to get in “the Vortex” and start feeling good. Stop focusing on the lack – stop focusing on that which you are currently experiencing yet you do not desire (your single status, perhaps), as that which you focus on persists. Instead focus on things that make you happy. Bring your attention to all that you have to be grateful for – something that becomes a lot easier for many over the festive season – Sunshine, family, friends, food, wine, Mariah Carey’s Xmas carols.
Make feeling good your focus. It’s as simple as that.
6. Join me for a day of SUBSTANCE
Sometimes wading through the seas of single-dom can be tough alone. So I’d love you to join me for my first ever workshop, an intimate morning of connection, where I’ll share my own journey of as a “successful” single with you and discuss how you can sink down into your current relationship status whilst also manifesting the relationship you truly crave. Jump over here for more info and to buy tickets.
So my gorgeous single sista, go out and embrace your single-dom this silly season.
And remember one very important thing…
You are the creator of your reality. What you focus on, you experience.
And, because this is as much your space as it is mine, I’d love to hear of any other tips you have for taking to the holidays sans partner?