2 weeks ago, I got a big patch of eczema on my eye.
You might be thinking ‘Big deal?”
But for me, it was!
The last time I had eczema was about 5 years ago. And it was a fucking ordeal!
Really, I’ve had it as long as I can remember. My eczema, lets call Her a She – would come to visit every Winter on the backs on my knees & inside my elbows. And in high-school her and exam blocks went hand in hand.
I clearly remember one teacher asking me if I’d been punched in the eye before an exam one day!
“No Miss, just my eczema!”
This eczema of mine was what most people would call stress-related eczema.
When I felt stressed or under pressure, She showed up.
What is really interesting though, it that She didn’t make her biggest, most frustrating mark until I was in my first year out of Uni.
I studied a Bachelor of Marketing & Psychology – always with the intention of becoming a registered Psychologist – but in my final year I fell into the rabbit hole that is health & wellness. At the end of my degree I was so inspired by the women that I saw living lives as yoga teachers and health coaches, bloggers & business babes – that I decided to press pause on continuing my studies.
I stayed at my uni job – a receptionist at a real estate agent – and started my yoga teacher training and my own blog (yep, Adventuring Home!). It was about 3 or 4 months into this that eczema came a pretty constant part of my life. Her favourite place to hang out was my left eye. Some days she came with such force that I couldn’t open my eye.
“I don’t get it, I’m not fucking stressed!” I thought & probably loudly proclaimed to my family!
“How could I be stressed? I was out of uni – no exams or assignments. I worked at a job that was the easiest thing ever and that I pretty much scrolled the internet at most days! And I’m awakening into a whole new version of myself (having discovered yoga, meditation, spirituality…)”
“Why the fuck is my stress-related eczema here then?!”
I came to the conclusion it mustn’t be stress. And spent the next 4 or 5 gruelling months doing everything I could trying to figure how why she was BACK and how to get rid of Her.
Some of the techniques I used (and don’t recommend):
- Bathing my eye in Apple Cider Vinegar (read it on the internet worst idea ever!).
- An 8 week elimination diet where I pretty much only ate parsley,chicken & rice ( I became a vego pretty much immediately after this!).
- Steroid creams
- Lathering my eyes in coconut oil
- An many more things I’ve blocked out of my memory! *
*Note: I didn’t have my essential oils back then!
I remember crying a lot during these few months. So frustrated. So defeated. Nothing worked!
And then one day, in what I thought was a totally un-related set of circumstances, I decided to quit my job.
My easy-peasy job that neither made me feel good or bad. Yep, I quit it.
And I kid you NOT, the eczema, She left the scene in a heartbeat.
What led, was one of my most profound A-HA moments of my life.
My eczema wasn’t “stress-related eczema”.
My eczema was “out-of-integrity-eczema”.
In my last 6 months as this job, I had shifted as a human Being so dramatically.
But every day, I still showed up to work as “the old Meg”.
Of course, I wanted to show up as “the new Meg” but I didn’t know how.
I told myself my work colleagues wouldn’t understand. They wouldn’t get me. It was easier to just be the same “old Meg” in the office.
And so for 6 months, I went to work “out of integrity”.
For 6 months, I failed to show up as my WHOLE SELF!
Eczema was my body’s way of telling me “THAT’S NOT FUCKING SERVING YOU!”
Eczema was a nudge (or very strong push) from the Universe to “FOLLOW MY FUCKING TRUTH!”.
And here I am, 5 years later, with eczema taking up residence on not one but two of my eyes! I wish I could say I pieced all the parts of the puzzle together quickly and realised I wasn’t being Me. But, no, it’s taken 2 whole weeks and one very powerful book to get me there.
The book is “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks. And like all of the most potent & powerful books I’ve read, this one jumped off the shelves at me yesterday in my favourite secondhand book store. I came home and read it pretty much front to back in one sitting.
And guess what one of his main topics is? (Hint: It’s not eczema!).
Gay speaks about the importance of living life in your Zone of Genius (aka. The place your feel the most YOURSELF!). And that’s when the penny dropped.
I’ve had an upgrade!
And now there’s somewhere in my life I’m out of integrity.
There’s somewhere (or many “wheres”) in my life I’m doing life as “the old Meg”, afraid of showing up as the even newer version of Me.
This time it’s not going to see me quit my job.
I fucking love the work I do.
The “medicine” though, will be in bringing more of ME to my work.
To bring more of ME to all realms of my life.
My work now is it to sit with HOW I can do this.
How can I bring more of me to my work and my life?
How can I show up in more fullness and wholeness?
Or, as Gay puts it in the Big Leap, how can I operate more from my Zone of Genius?
I’ll let you know what I come up with.
So, beautiful Being, has reading this sparked something within you?
Are you out of integrity somewhere in your life?
Is you body perhaps sending you messages to let you know?
Would love to hear from you, share in the comments!
P.s. It’s fucking good to be back writing! This is part of my Zone of Genius I think!